Sour grapes

I do know that this isn’t a “how to” blog. I may only make an entry every 3 days, but I have figured this much out. However, I just can’t help but share with you the wonders of vinegar.

Vinegar, I know. What the hell am I talking about? And who the hell cares?

Well I do, it turns out. I can’t even remember exactly how I stumbled on to the site from which I’m going to impart to you my vinegar knowledge. It must have had something to do with trying to save my house plants.

Yes, my house plants. You see, I have a small panther living with me.

Remember him? He’s really not this small now, and I would show you how large and fierce he's become, but I left my camera at work.

He’s obsessed with stalking and attacking my potted plants. And my feet, and my children’s feet. Socks can help us, but the poor house plants are completely vulnerable.

Turns out, however, that a simple spray of the leaves with a solution of white distilled vinegar and water will stop him. Could it be true?

I’m not going to list everything vinegar can do, there are entire websites devoted to this, but I am going to take a cue from Letterman, and give you my Top 10 Uses for Vinegar.

But first off, some history, the word vinegar comes from the French word “vinaigre” which means “sour wine.” The theory is that vinegar was probably discovered by accident thousands of years ago—after a barrel of wine had gone bad. (I know, Ellie, how could they?)

And how’s this for bad-ass women from history and vinegar? It’s said that Helen of Troy bathed in vinegar to relax (really?); and Cleopatra dissolved pearls in vinegar to prove that she could consume a fortune in a single meal (not sure what the appropriate comment is for this).

So here it is, what you never knew you needed to know about vinegar, my Top 10 Uses for Vinegar:

10 - Add moistness and taste to any chocolate cake—homemade or from a box—with a spoonful of white distilled vinegar.

9 - Make nail polish last longer. Wipe fingernails with cotton balls dipped in white distilled vinegar before putting on nail polish.

8 - Shine pennies by soaking them for a couple of hours or overnight in a glass or bowl of undiluted white distilled vinegar.

7 - Stop the hiccups by drinking a teaspoon of white distilled vinegar.

6 - Kill fleas by adding a little white distilled vinegar to your dog or cat’s drinking water. (Yummy!)

5 - Remove the leftover odor after a rider has been carsick by leaving a bowl of white distilled vinegar overnight on the floor. (Gag.)

4 - Remove red wine stains. If wine stains are fresh you can you can apply a mixture of dishwashing liquid and vinegar. (Finally, some relief.)

3 - Bathing with vinegar you will give you, "softer skin and clean the bathtub with less work." (Who cares if you stink? You'll be just like Helen of Troy!)

2 - Have healthier chickens. "Add some vinegar to your chicken's water in the winter to keep them laying better and staying healthy." (No comment necessary.)

And here it is, the number 1 use for vinegar:

1 - Stop your child from being sassy. I swear, this is what it says on the website: "While this may not be the most popular tip, using vinegar on the tongue of a sassy child will prevent them from saying another nasty word..."

And just in case this Top 10 Uses for Vinegar has left you wanting more, there is an International Vinegar Museum. It's in Roslyn, South Dakota. See you there?