I'm tired. And I don't just mean I could use an extra few hours sleep. This tired is going to require serious amounts of extra sleep--nights and nights of logging 8 hours or more, plus, perhaps, a few naps. But that relief is no where in sight. Not even close.
Anyone who's had a baby knows what I'm talking about--that real fatigue that sets in, oh, say around month two.
Baby girl is two months, today, and it's suddenly all catching up with me.
The false sense that you're really not all that tired when you first arise in the morning, then the first signs of irritation at the slightest provocation, by say, 8:00 AM.
By 6:30 PM I seem to be either laughing maniacally at the special brand of crazy at our house, or seriously considering my former sanity for adding this new level of complexity to my life.
My husband and I actually had conversation last night about who was crazier for giving up their former lives. Sad, yes, but true.
I am desperate to get the older girls to bed on time, which is 8:30 PM, so that I myself can brush my teeth, wash my face, and get to bed. The slightest delay in the routine grates on my nerves like a dentist’s drill that hits a spot that is not quite yet numb.
“What do you mean, you want a another hug from me???”
The reality, of course, is that I can't go right to bed, as most nights baby girl still needs to be fed. My desperate hope at this point of the never-ending day is that she'll nurse herself to sleep, but just as many times as not, she’s wide awake after, so I need to engage some other strategy to get her to sleep.
My husband is always there to help out, but as any nursing mother will tell you, there’s just no getting around the sleep deprivation that accompanies and infant (at least not without a whole staff of nannies).
I knew this state was coming, it’s not a surprise, and I’m not bitter (well not ALL the time).
For fun (because, hey, I can still be fun [if I use all my powers of concentration and work really hard at it]) I’ve included the nifty list that wiki provides on sleep deprivation:
- Hallucinations (picturing myself, alone, on a beach in Hawai’i, yep)
- Irritability (oh, you bettcha)
- Cognitive impairment (Have you read my recent blog posts?)
- Memory lapses or loss (Where did I put that baby down?)
- Severe yawning (Ahhhhhhaaahaa)
- Symptoms similar to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) (What did you say?)
- Impaired moral judgment (Not there yet, God help me)
- Decreased reaction time and accuracy (Maybe this explains the middle fingers and horns honking when driving lately)
- Tremors (Only when there is no beer in the house)
- Aching muscles (if nipples count, yes)
- Risk of Diabetes Type 2 (great!)
- Growth suppression (?)
- Risk of obesity (Already there)
- Decreased temperature (my normal state)
- Increased heart rate variability (?)
- Risk of heart disease (great!)
- Impaired immune system (great!)
And yes, people, I know I’ve made my own bed, and believe me, I would sleep in it if I could.
With baby #3, I learned some tricks. First off, let go of any and all guilt surrounding what you think you need to do. This is a short phase, you know it because you've been through it twice before. This part passes in the blink of a cosmic eye.
ReplyDeleteSo... when your husband is home, you are ONLY out of bed to feed the baby. That'll be your family bonding time. The family can come to YOU to tell you about their day and hang out with you and you can have that time with the baby. After she's nursed, she's passed off to your husband and you go to sleep until the next time she needs to be fed. Since you're likely doing overnight feedings all on your own, this is only fair. Sleep while your husband is there.
With baby #3, I had to realize I was no spring chicken anymore. Age does catch up to us with these things. It took the story my friend told me about her friend who fell down the stairs while carrying her baby to get me to put all other things aside and make getting sleep my #1 priority. In a few months things will even out, you know that, so just take what you NEED now so you aren't maybe dealing with a whole different set of guilt issues as a result.
The friend's friend and her baby were fine. Just shaken up by the tumble and the breathalyzer test and meeting with the social worker at the hospital emergency room while the baby was in observation.
you last line is PRICELESS!
ReplyDeleteHang in there...I'll take a nap your honor, just because I can :D
Just think, if you lose your moral judgement, it could make for some exciting posts!
I tried to warn T when I came out to visit (what was he saying about getting away from the kids when the baby's a few months old?!?) but reality beats words of wisdom any day.
xoxo to you all!
Oh man, just thinking about those infant months makes me sleepy. Hang in there, before you know it you'll be missing these days - probably right around the time you have a toddler tearing up the house!
ReplyDeleteJacquie
LOL, Beth. I mean, sorry, I don't mean to LOL, but I really like your list. And your ending.
ReplyDeleteNow stop reading and get to bed!
Ellie
Risk of obesity? Already there? In the 23+ years we've been friends you have never, ever, come close to being even a tiny bit over-weight, you gorgeous thing you.
ReplyDeleteSeriously Beth, you worrying about being fat is like me fretting about being stupid, ugly or poor! ;)
Get some rest sweetie or you will force me to nap for the both of us and I just don't know where I could fit in TWO naps each day!!
Oh no! You're basically telling me that I'm going to be tired for the next year and a half?!? I was hoping it was just the first trimester. I'm not sure I'm going to make it though it all!
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Hsin! I did not know you were preggers! FYI, you're going to be tired for the next 18-30 years, but it will never be as bad as these first 12 or so. Enjoy the ride!
ReplyDeleteJacquie