Uninvited guest

I get up and out early on Wednesday mornings. No one is in the house but me, so it's easy. I'm out by 7:10 am or so. This Wednesday morning was no exception.

I exited the house, locked the front door, and hit the car key fob a million times, as I normally do because it sucks and it takes that many times, or more, to unlock (or lock, for that matter). It was unlocked by the time I got to the driver's side door, so, I opened it, and slid into my seat as per usual. Only, what the? What's all the crap on the passenger seat? I didn't even have the girls last night, it couldn't have been them. And I had not been drinking, so no chance it was me in some buzzed state rifling through my own CDs. (Do people even play these anymore?) And why is my glove compartment ajar, and some of its contents part of the before mentioned jumble of crap on the passenger seat?

Doh! I've been robbed! But, well, not really, I don't think. Did the intruder, who in all likelihood just gently pulled on the door to gain entry, because I must have only hit "lock" 999,999 times last night, take anything at all? 

Hi Ben!! Nice to see you, still here by my side, hee hee.

The would-be theif didn't take any Ben CDs, or Ben & Charlie Musselwhite, or Adele, or Jim Beckwith, or any of those CDs in that stack of kirtan and other yoga music that I created.

But, wait what?! That sweet bottle/wine opener is still mine to keep after an unlawful entry? And my current registration and owners manual still intact?

Let's take a closer look at this one:

This tool is awesome, and something no car should be without. Luckily mine isn't.

So obviously, the prowler was all about the money game, right?

Wrong, the lifter didn't even take my seat pocket stash. I mean, shit, there must be $6 of quarters and ones in there! Rookie!

What about the $100 Manduka yoga mat? Or my water bottle or empty disposable tea cup?

No, and no, and no. All still intact.

And none of my girl's treasures were taken either.

Teddy bear safe and sound on disgusting backseat floor.

Single drum stick and rock collection with a few random rings from the machines at Pizza Port thrown in? Check -- hers to keep.

Just what kind of punk was this crook?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the burglar probably wasn't a middle-aged yogi or a kindergartner...

Hopefully the bandit didn't photograph my registration and is now busily working on stealing my identity, but c'mon, you might as well take the cash and the bottle opener if you're going to do that.

I'm chalking it up to a good reminder to not keep valuables in your car, and to double check to make sure you've hit the "lock" option a minimum of 1 million times.