Actually I've been feeling very dissatisfied at work in general lately, which isn't surprising after nearly 18 years at the same company. Yes, I've held various positions over these many years, but nothing has really changed much in the past few.
But here's the thing -- I feel trapped. I don't feel as though I can easily let it go or trade it in. I feel as though I really, really have to think before leaving this job that is not helping me grow in any way, any more. It's pretty damn flexible. I work from home once a week, and can do so whenever needed. I recently asked for an additional work from home day, and expect I'll get it. When I am I the office, I've got a sunny one to myself, where no one bothers me, and I can come and go as I please. Although I don't have a great retirement plan or even dental, my medical is damn good, and I get that steady paycheck that has thus far supported me and my kiddos.
It's comfortable, if not challenging, safe, if not satisfying.
That's a terrible way to go through life, though, is it not? Simply going through the motions to get the paycheck to pay the bills for all the things you think you need?
I feel as though there must be a better way.
Someday I'll break through my fear to find out.
Unfortunately many if not most people feel this. I know you will find your passion or it will find you, but not quite yet.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom
I've been where you are. Finally, I broke free to start my own business, where I made less money but had more freedom to do as I wished. Ultimately, though, because that business had clients who drove me to distraction, I felt trapped again. Between the time I finally broke through the first time and the time I resigned all my clients and retired early, I came to realize my way to get to where I wanted to be had to come in stages. The hardest part, all the way through, was fear of the unknown (what if I never get another job, another client, another paycheck?). The reality was much, much better. There are no guarantees, but the moment I committed to the risk, both times, I felt an incredible sense of relief, almost joy. I suppose it's different for everyone; I hope you have an epiphany of sorts soon and that it proves to be a wonderful breakthrough.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget you *also* drive to L.A. before the sun rises, under the full moon, for a morning of what you *are* passionate about.
ReplyDeleteSo maybe it's just a matter of the scales slowing tipping the other way?
Hang in there; *I* think you're awesome.
xoxoo
Ellie
John! Wow, it's been a long time!! nice to hear from you. I very much appreciate you sharing your experience.
ReplyDeleteI thought for a few moments this past week that my job might be over (the company is not doing very well, blah, blah, blah), and what I felt was pure joy! I would be forced to do something different.
That day is coming. I can feel it!
xo
beth
I like the scales tipping image, E. Will work on adding more weight to make it tip my way!
ReplyDeleteI love Ellie's comment and hope you find any future path that gets you where you need to be, not have too many potholes!
ReplyDeleteI'm entrenched in college tuition for the next 8 years (some of which have multiple kids there) so I am sticking with the risk-free and boring, but I'll be here to cheer you on!