Like A Pop-Tart

A lot of people have been asking me how Mistah’s new w-o-r-k career is going.

Let’s have an imaginary conversation with him and find out, shall we?

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Ellie: Hello Mistah. How’s the new work career going?
Bill: Okay, I guess.
Ellie: Do you like it?
Bill: It’s okay.
E: What time do you wake up in the mornings?
B: 7:30.
E: Do you pop out of bed like toast?
B: Not exactly.
E: Like a pop-tart?

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B: No.
E: Well what do you pop up like then?
B: --

E: What about luncheon?
B: What about it?
E: What do you do for lunch every day?
B: I bring it.
E: What do you bring?
B: Turkey and mustard on a tortilla.
E: You make lunch for yourself every morning?
B: No, you make it for me.
E: You mean to tell me your wife gets up and makes you lunch every morning?
B: It’s just a turkey roll-up.
E: What kind of mustard?
B: Grey Poupon.
E: Well, that sounds absolutely superb.
B: It’s pretty good.
E: Do you at least get one of those little mini bottles of chardonnay in your lunch box?

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B: --
E: No?
B: --

E: Okay, what about your evenings?
B: We usually listen to your baseball team lose on the radio.
E: Mistah!
B: What?
E: Is that strictly necessary?
B: Well it’s true.
E: They won last night.
B: My team already made the playoffs.
E: Don’t gloat; it’s unseemly . . .
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. . . plus my team has Mr. Met, a much cooler mascot than . . .

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.. . . Wally? What kind of mascot is that?

E: What else have you been up to?
B: On Wednesday night we saw a one-woman play about Louisa May Alcott.
E: That was good, wasn’t it?
B: Yes.
E: I liked all the non-Little Women and background stuff. Her dad Bronson Alcott was pals with Emerson and Hawthorne, was he not?
B: And Thoreau.

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E: You’re a big fan of Thoreau, aren’t you?
B: I consider Walden one of my biggest inspirations.
E: You know what I think of Thoreau.
B: I do.
E: Tell the story, Schleck.
B: After I read it and loved it, I got you to reread it. We were in bed one night, reading, and about halfway through Walden you put it down and said, “Get over yourself, Henry David.”
E: Well put, well put. If I do say so myself.
B: --

E: What are your plans for the weekend, Mistah?
B: On Saturday I’m volunteering at the 1st Annual New London Americana Music Festival at the Hygienic Art Park.
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E: Volunteering?? After a full week of work?
B: I’m pouring beer.
E: Oh. Need any help?
B: You didn’t want to volunteer, remember?
E: But I’m a really good beer pourer.
B: No, we’re all set.
E: Well, can you at least slip me a couple freebies?
B: What do you need freebies for? You’ll just sneak margaritas in, like you usually do.

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E: Mistah!
B: What?
E: The things you say!
B: It’s true.
E: Margarita season is over. It’s wine-smuggling season now.

E: Anyway, back to the job. It’s been 2 weeks. Any pithy nuggets?
B: I didn’t get fired and I didn’t quit.
E: Yet.
B: Yet.
E: And now, for my last question: Are you ready for a beer?
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B: I was born ready.
E: Happy Weekend, Mistah. You've earned it.