for shame

All I did was ask if the kid wanted me to call his dad.  I’ve known this kid since the day he and my boy met on the first day of 3^rd grade, and I wasn’t sure why he was at the park alone after school.  We parents are both new to this school and still figuring out the pickup shortcuts, and his dad had called me just a few days prior to ask if I had seen his kid. So on this day when I arrived to fetch my two from our designated spot and saw that they had been joined by the friend, I leaned over my boy and shouted out the window to ask if he wanted me to make a phone call. My kids were horrified. Horrified! Their stage-whispered admonitions have never made “MOM” sound like a dirtier word. I was truly shocked! How is that embarrassing? 

I’ll admit that being spotted while  pretending to stroll the grounds of campus right outside of their classroom windows on the first day of school was probably embarrassing, and when I realized I was busted I should have just slunk off instead of giving a big bouncy wave. 

I’ll admit that when my friend Lizbeth addressed one of the 8^th graders as “sweetie,” her daughter had a case for being slightly embarrassed. But I am witness to the fact that Lizbeth did not use the term “honeybunny” as accused. 

My sister once reported that her kid found it embarrassing to be seen riding bikes with her, so he rode on the other side of the street. 

What is wrong with these kids? We are the cool moms! We are young and hip. Hip to the jive! 

It tempts me to show up in curlers and a bathrobe one day, clutching a virgina slim 100 between my lipstick stained teeth and a highball in my fist. Although the few times I’ve actually tried to embarrass them, it’s backfired. One day last year my boy was being a turd in the morning so I put a giant purple Dora the Explorer icepack in his lunch bag as revenge (because I'm very mature). It became a total cult thing, all the middle school boys suddenly wanted their lunches cooled by sparkling pink things. 

I really don’t remember any specific incidences of my parents embarrassing me. I must have blocked them out.  Anything you’d like to share, mom?  How about the rest of you? Have you embarrassed your kids or been embarrassed by your parents?