Monday, January 14, 2019

San Diego Sunset

Sunset in San Diego is a remarkable phenomenon.

It's powerful and stunning and emotional. It's a fraught time of day, and at the same time the most spectacular time of day.

The thing about Sunset in San Diego is that it is in San Diego. San Diego. I'm here. In this beautiful city that smells like bougainvillea.

It's hard and emotional and raw and beautiful and Jacquie's friends here are off the charts spectacular. But we're here for entirely the wrong reason, which makes it all the more hard and emotional and raw and beautiful.

It's emotional. And raw. And entirely Beautiful.

Monday, January 7, 2019


Years and years ago during our Westy years, somebody said something like "words cannot express how I feel about" . . . blah blah blah.

Mistah and I, all full of youth and knowledge and blithe wisdom, disagreed. "But all we have are words. If words can't express how you feel, then what else do we have?"

It was good sentiment; we were right, partly. But now I get it.

Words help -- they do -- they are all we have.

But yeah. They're not enough.

Because our Young James' death hits like a steamroller every day.

And I am only his lowly "Fly away Aunt Ellie" auntie. I'm just a small piece of the giant pie of people his life and death have affected.

Which is a bizarre metaphor, but the kid did famously love pie.

But. Sometimes, the universe helps takes care of things. When one has no words -- even though that is all we have -- sometimes, the universe helps out.

Sometimes, like it did yesterday, the Universe does this:

And sometimes, like it did on New Years Day, the Universe does this:

So, yes. Words aren't always enough. But beauty and magnificence help.

Monday, December 31, 2018

The Boy

It's impossible to think about anything else or talk about anything else or write about anything else.


James. He went by James. James reinvented himself several times over the years, and preferred to be called James, but I looked that kid in the eyeballs and asked if I could still keep calling him Jimmy and he said the very thing that made him so very him.

"No worries."


That tormented soul.

Julie went that day. Jane went the next week and overlapped. Jacquie and Clara went to the safe harbors of Mexico to escape. Jacquie's friend Janet joined them.

As I told Jacquie, I'll be the jackass who finally arrives on the 12th.

The 12th. I just want it to be the 12th. I just want to GO.

Mistah and I haven't been in San Diego since the day we drove out of there to move to New London and to claim our home in 2008.

That was a long time ago.

We're going back.

We're going back to celebrate The Boy.

Our Boy.

Our Jimmy.