Monday, September 8, 2008

Cosmic waitress

With every passing day I’m becoming more confident that there is, in fact, a cosmic waitress, and that she will, indeed, deliver what you order.

I’m not exactly sure when I was first introduced to the concept of the cosmic waitress. It was, once again, my acupuncturist who clued me into the whole idea. I had some similar, sort-of parallel beliefs at the time; for instance I would often tell myself that “the universe was with me” if I was having a great day or some especially terrific event transpired. Or I’d tell myself to “offer it up to the universe” if I wasn’t sure what to do about a particular situation.

But the cosmic waitress takes this general concept to a whole new level. With the cosmic waitress you order exactly what you want. You get really clear about your intentions and go ahead and ask her for it. Yes, yes, it does sound a lot like “The Secret” (which, by the way, my acupuncturist turned me on to long before Oprah took it prime time)--that is to say that getting what you want/need is all about intention and focused energy.

And it’s true, it’s basically the same thing. For me, however, it’s really the image of the cosmic waitress that works. First, she’s female. Second, it’s her job. She might not get the order right every time, but her job is to bring you what you order.

I mean you wouldn’t go to your local restaurant and say “I’m hungry, I’d like some food.” Or maybe you would, but you’d go on to get more specific. Your order would sound more like, “I’d like the chef salad with extra eggs, no ham, and blue cheese dressing on the side, please.”

Your order is clear; you’ve given the waitress the instructions she needs to fill the request and satiate your hunger. This is an order she can work with.

Third, the cosmic waitress is such a pedestrian concept. She’s so much more concrete to me than the whole big nebulous UNIVERSE. She’s out there working in/for the universe. She’s the cosmic waitress.

I love her. And over the past few years, I’ve come to actually trust her.

Sometimes I do get really clear about what I need and I ask her for it. In detail. In advance. Sometimes, however, she’s just there for me, filling my water glass just as I’m about to take that last sip.

Take for instance the day my peeps and I were leaving the Padres game. It was a great day, full of beers, and sun, and kids messy from hot dogs and snow cones. As we’re leaving the ballpark the kids are being kids: running, jumping, walking, shouting, etc. My oldest daughter, while moving at a good pace, takes a big digger on a textured (think raised pebbles) sidewalk. Immediately her knee is bloody; it’s deep and messy and pebbly. As I bend down to help her up, there, beside her, is a band aid. A large-sized band aid. I wasn’t carrying my everyday purse with me so had nothing even resembling a band aid, or even a napkin or tissue or some other something-or-other to slow the blood from running down her leg. The band aid was a blessing, and I knew immediately who it was from. I offered up my silent thanks. (Thanks, CW!)

Or take what happened today, the event that finally made me blog about the cosmic waitress (because I’ve been wanting to for some time, but have always felt that I just can’t do her justice). Today I received (okay, so it was on Friday or Saturday, but I forgot to get the mail until today) something in the mail that was unexpected and wonderful. Something that is going to make me sleep easy tonight. Something that came just in the nick of time.

I received my State of California Department of Motor Vehicles 2009 Validated Registration Card and accompanying sticker.

Big deal you think. But it is. To me, this year, it is. This particular registration has been stressing me out for weeks, ever since I went to the smog-only test station near my office to get my first-ever smog test for my current car.

The technician would not test it. He knew it wouldn’t pass, so he saved me the $45 and gave me some advice instead. Because my engine light is on it will not pass. End of story. So sorry. The problem is, my engine light’s been on since last September. And three times, at three different garages, the light has been “cleared,” and each time the mechanic is unable to tell me exactly why it was on in the first place. Gas cap not screwed in tight enough? A loose hose? Actual engine trouble?

How the hell do I know? They don’t even know. All I know is that it does not seem fair that I can’t pass a test that is all about my car’s emission system because of some lousy engine light, that does not seem to be effecting the actual engine. What to do? I’ve been looking at alternatives, and plan b was going to go into effect tomorrow (which is now today). In fact, I’m right now driving (yeah, okay, not right now) my boyfriend’s car because he was going to take my car into the garage near his house where he has some personal connections. (Isn’t he the best?)

I’m not sure if Sal and his employees could have gotten my poor car to pass or not, and I had a (much shadier) plan c if not. But it’s no longer a worry. The cosmic waitress came through for me (again). I’m not sure how she did it. But somehow my 2009 registration arrived without the requisite smog certification.

These are just two of the many, many times the cosmic waitress has served up just what I've ordered. I could go on and on (but have already blathered on too long).

What can she get for you?


NucMEd is Hot said...

THE LOTTERY! I wrote my blog this morning on my need to win the lottery, or my friends needs, to win the lottery.

Thanks for pointing out the cosmic waitress, I will be utilizing her!

Springer Kneeblood said...

I want the Cosmic Waitress to bring me visitors, lots of visitors, to my worthless, low-life blog. This is the same blog (well, not the same blog, but the same writer) that disappeared for a short while. And all the readers went away. Now, I need them back.

Anonymous said...

Oh, hello Beth! And your cute little friend-on-wheels. I've heard you refer to the Cosmic Waitress before ("it's her job"), but never heard the whole story, quite so eloquently. Sounds like you and she are hitting it off well these days....

Me? Nothing right now, at the moment. I'm good. When I'm ready, though, she'll be the first one to see my high sign across the, well, across the universe.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm. I've been in good contact with my waitron for quite some time now. I don't think she's there for material stuff though, just the things I really need, like quiet. I'm still waiting on that one.

Pickles and Dimes said...

OK, I read this a few days ago and thought it was brilliant. I can't get the concept out of my head. I've wished for very specific things to happen and wrote down my goals - and then accomplished them - but I really, really dig the idea of the Cosmic Waitress.

Unknown said...

Helllooo, Cosmic Waitress! I use this phrase & story/concept a lot. A friend was recently trying to put it down just so, like a quote (from me). I honestly can't remember if or where I'd heard of her from someone else or, now that she's a concrete part of my subconscious, if I'd made her up myself. That's the mark of a good concept or seed of thought. I went on line to see potential references & found you. I'm certain you (or someone) had planted that fertile seed that I've embraced in recent years. Either that, or we had the same thought in parallel universes. She's been working overtime this past week or two & wanted to look up her messenger (maybe you?). Here to tell you she's alive & well here in Portland, Oregon in 2016. Hoping she's been filling your orders & that you've tipped generously.