Friday, September 26, 2008

Like A Pop-Tart

A lot of people have been asking me how Mistah’s new w-o-r-k career is going.

Let’s have an imaginary conversation with him and find out, shall we?


















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Ellie: Hello Mistah. How’s the new work career going?
Bill: Okay, I guess.
Ellie: Do you like it?
Bill: It’s okay.
E: What time do you wake up in the mornings?
B: 7:30.
E: Do you pop out of bed like toast?
B: Not exactly.
E: Like a pop-tart?
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B: No.
E: Well what do you pop up like then?
B: --

E: What about luncheon?
B: What about it?
E: What do you do for lunch every day?
B: I bring it.
E: What do you bring?
B: Turkey and mustard on a tortilla.
E: You make lunch for yourself every morning?
B: No, you make it for me.
E: You mean to tell me your wife gets up and makes you lunch every morning?
B: It’s just a turkey roll-up.
E: What kind of mustard?
B: Grey Poupon.
E: Well, that sounds absolutely superb.
B: It’s pretty good.
E: Do you at least get one of those little mini bottles of chardonnay in your lunch box?
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B: --
E: No?
B: --

E: Okay, what about your evenings?
B: We usually listen to your baseball team lose on the radio.
E: Mistah!
B: What?
E: Is that strictly necessary?
B: Well it’s true.
E: They won last night.
B: My team already made the playoffs.
E: Don’t gloat; it’s unseemly . . .
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. . . plus my team has Mr. Met, a much cooler mascot than . . .
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...
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.. . . Wally? What kind of mascot is that?

E: What else have you been up to?
B: On Wednesday night we saw a one-woman play about Louisa May Alcott.
E: That was good, wasn’t it?
B: Yes.
E: I liked all the non-Little Women and background stuff. Her dad Bronson Alcott was pals with Emerson and Hawthorne, was he not?
B: And Thoreau.
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E: You’re a big fan of Thoreau, aren’t you?
B: I consider Walden one of my biggest inspirations.
E: You know what I think of Thoreau.
B: I do.
E: Tell the story, Schleck.
B: After I read it and loved it, I got you to reread it. We were in bed one night, reading, and about halfway through Walden you put it down and said, “Get over yourself, Henry David.”
E: Well put, well put. If I do say so myself.
B: --

E: What are your plans for the weekend, Mistah?
B: On Saturday I’m volunteering at the 1st Annual New London Americana Music Festival at the Hygienic Art Park.
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E: Volunteering?? After a full week of work?
B: I’m pouring beer.
E: Oh. Need any help?
B: You didn’t want to volunteer, remember?
E: But I’m a really good beer pourer.
B: No, we’re all set.
E: Well, can you at least slip me a couple freebies?
B: What do you need freebies for? You’ll just sneak margaritas in, like you usually do.












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E: Mistah!
B: What?
E: The things you say!
B: It’s true.
E: Margarita season is over. It’s wine-smuggling season now.

E: Anyway, back to the job. It’s been 2 weeks. Any pithy nuggets?
B: I didn’t get fired and I didn’t quit.
E: Yet.
B: Yet.
E: And now, for my last question: Are you ready for a beer?
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B: I was born ready.
E: Happy Weekend, Mistah. You've earned it.

12 comments:

Pickles and Dimes said...

"It's wine-smuggling season now." Hee!

Yay for your Mets!

Beth said...

Glad to know Mistah has not gone over the edge (yet)!

Have a rip roaring time at the 1st Annual New London American Music Festival. And Mistah? You really should slip Ellile a few freebies....

Jacquie said...

You so funny, Ellie!
Enjoy the weekend, you two crazy kids

jenboglass said...

Totally feeling you on the superior mascot thing. I kind of love your life. You always look like you have so much fun. And my phallic food phobia? It's very real and alive. I was offered a banana the other day and I was all, "Eat that? In public? No and thanks." Want to see something really scary? Check out the tomato on Bee's site. It's on her Wednesday post. I never knew tomatoes could be so raunchy.

http://beesmusings.blogspot.com/

Imperatrix said...

That Mistah -- he's a sassy one!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Ha! Great interview and great post! Saw you on my blog and wanted to come over and say hello. You crack me up!

scarletvirago said...

I keep seeing a little frosted glass and a long-stemmed wine glass going back and forth like Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny:

Margarita season!

Wine season!

Margarita season!

Wine season!


Til Mistah butts in and goes:

Beer season!

Kat said...

A very insightful and interesting interview. One question. When is the official beginning of Wine Season? I wouldn't want to have a alcoholic beverage related faux pas.

KathyR said...

A "--" paints a thousand words.

Captain Dumbass said...

Wine smuggling season? I like this. I also love the idea of an imaginary conversation with wifey. I couldn't end well but I bet it would be worth it.

xup said...

I'd like to see regular updates-- like a few months down the road when he's a regular corporate shill!!

Manager Mom said...

I'd also like to volunteer for the beer-pouring event. I'll do taste-testing for quality control.