Monday, August 12, 2013

You know I've had enough when...

It's no secret. I like to drink beers. And lately all those tasty craft beers are not sitting all that well with me, so I'm trying out some alternatives - mixed drinks and such.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't drink every day. And many days if I do drink, it's a single beer, or possibly two.

But sometimes I like to let go of the tally and just have some fun. Parties, weekend nights out with friends, and concerts may well call for a non-regimented stance on alcohol.

I tend to have a really good time when I tie one on, and usually end up meeting new people, or getting to know ones that I already know much better. (Social lubricant, and all.)

But I've come to realize recently that there are a few tell-tale sings that I'm over my limit. I mean, I'm still having a lot of fun, and you probably can't tell that I'm officially 'drunk,' but if I pull these subjects/moves out, you can pretty much bet I'm not going to feel great the next morning.

Topic #1
Fake boobs. What do you, my fellow drinkers, think of them? -- I want to know. I especially like to ask men this question. Should I get some? Why? Why not? Pros, cons, your past experience, .....

Topic #2
Yoga, and this typically flows out of topic number one, because when I say "topic" here, I mean more like an action. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, and this really doesn't happen in bars that often, but I have been known to bust out a pose, often as proof that my new big fake tits would get in the way, if I were to get some. Yes, that's me down on the floor in hurdler's pose, or flying crow, or even handstand. Seriously, my one and only time in New Orleans I found myself in a forearm plank pose contest in a bar on Bourbon Street. (Isn't that what all the cool kids do while in the French Quarter?)

Topic #3
Age. Typically mine. I find it fun to shave a few years off -- but obviously this doesn't work with people I know -- and who knows, maybe it doesn't work with anyone. Maybe people pretend to believe my short count. I know, it's so childish, but it's fun. Like a game. I typically shave off 6 years, so I'm 39 this year. But it can get tricky if you start talking about your kids. Jacquie played this game with me recently, and well, it came close to making her a teen mom.

Topic #4
Marriage/Your love life. What do you think about marriage? How is yours going? Why is it that you've decided against it, if in fact you have decided against it? I especially like to ask people younger than me about this subject. Somehow I manage to uncover the most interesting things! And of course, I have to add my very tipsy take on it all. Because, you know, I am so very, very good at marriage and relationships!! Ha.

So, my friends, you have been warned. If you see me out some night and I'm discussing the merits of marriage and breast implants, while simultaneously doing side crow or firefly pose, you have my express permission to quickly move the hell away from me, although perhaps you should instead remind me it's probably time to go home. (That is, right after that last fireball shot, right Jackee?)



Pat said...

Right on!
Love, Mom

Me, You, or Ellie said...

one word: twinkle!

love you, girl. You're a fun drunk.


Me, You, or Ellie said...


Me, You, or Ellie said...

I don't know what a fireball shot it, but it can't be good.

I almost never talk about fake boobs or yoga when drunk but you know what? I think I'm going to start! It seems like fun!

And then I'm going to do a fireball shot.


Beth said...

What?!? Jackee was out there for a week and you did no fireball shots with her?

They are actually quite delicious. I am a convert.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

I offered to take everyone out for shots on Saturday night, but Ellie was, um.... really tired.