Friday, July 1, 2011

the 1001st post on Me, You, and Ellie

I just so happened to take a glance at the ol' blog dashboard yesterday, and guess what? Beth's Leaving Las Vegas was post number 1,000! How cool is that?  Seems like the first of our second grand should be a masterpiece, a literary milestone, an onus.  


Sorry, suckahs. You get classic Friday Hodgepode.


Three things:



1. Recently rejected facebook status updates:

Women who roll suitcases into the locker room frighten me.

Women who apply make up wearing nothing but a thong in the locker room both frighten and impress me.

If you see me naked in the locker room, please don't speak to me until I am clothed.

I think I just washed my hair with dial body wash. Again.

Farts in the group X room are particularly noxious.


Hmmm, seems that I compose a fair amount of empty existential statements in my head at the gym. I think it's because the gym is the only place on earth that I'm ever alone, and when other people aren't making noise in my face, I'm making noise in my head. THAT could be a status update. But there's more:

My girl wants to know where the homeless people get sharpies to make their signs.

Breaking News! My son just texted me from school. He does not like his sandwich. Thank God he didn't wait until we got home to tell me.

TJ Maxx offers the opposite of retail therapy. Why is everybody yelling?

Kale chips are vile (turned that one into an entire blog post)

I'm using Words with Friend to make enemies (user name Jacquie ck - challenge me)

I  feel guilty for using a vons bag at trader joes

I can’t do a left crescent kick for shit

The real reason I don’t like the front row at tkb is that it forces me to witness my white girl moves.

If you have a microphone within 6 inches of your mouth, you really don't need to yell.
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2. This reminds me of 3:00 at the club 
    Arguably the best part of any trip to the pool
    ------------------

    3. I talked about this meal incessantly on the day it was cooking, and finally had the chance to enjoy it at almost 9pm. Torture.

    spicy butt sandwich with slaw = love. recipe

    Happy Long Weekend, America!!!!

      5 comments:

      Me, You, or Ellie said...

      Wow! Your brain is quite the festive place, Jacquie. It's like a party in there!

      I love your girl's Sharpie question. I still have this text from you in my phone:

      "My girl wants to know how bald Jewish people keep their hats on."

      If we could solve all these issues in the blog post, we could take over the world.

      Love!
      Ellie

      Logical Libby said...

      I have NEVER found anything worth buying at TJ Maxx. Not even Kale chips...

      Me, You, or Ellie said...

      (1) my very favorite:

      Women who apply make up wearing nothing but a thong in the locker room both frighten and impress me.

      Second runner up: Breaking News! My son just texted me from school. He does not like his sandwich. Thank God he didn't wait until we got home to tell me.

      (2)It was always a highpoint of my day at the Stoneleigh community swimming pool.

      (3)Drooling, although I don't think I can wait until 9 pm.

      Happy 1001st post! Happy 4th!

      xoxo,
      Beth

      Bingspeak said...

      I'm working on getting a spicy butt as we speak...

      should go to the gym more in PA said...

      let's just say that San Diego has far more thong wearing, make-up putter on-ers than Central PA....but the visual made me smile :) )I visualized the nicer SoCal bodies than the PA ones!

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts...Happy 4th!