Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Hire me, I'm a blogger!

Bloggers are apparently assholes. Or at best really clueless. And the men seem to be bigger offenders than the women. (Pardon the slight, Jacquie and Ellie, although of course, you are not men.)

I just posted a job listing on Craigslist yesterday. It is for a part-time copy editing job, either on-site or remotely. The duties of the position are clearly listed:
* Reviewing and copy editing professional-level medical manuscripts for grammar, style, spelling, and awkward phrasing.
* Maintaining corporate writing style by adhering to in-house style guidelines as well as the American Medical Association (AMA) and Chicago Manual of Style (CMS) guides.
* Maintaining careful database records to track all stages of content preparation.
* Quarterly testing of website.
* Exploring new opportunities to add value to the existing service/product.
Yes, it looks quite boring, doesn't it? That last bullet point, the only one that looks at all promising, is just in there for good measure. I'm not even entirely sure what it means, other than if we make changes to the product that add value, you need to assist. Still, yawn. Medical copy editing is no thrill-a-minute. It is not a creative job. It is not even copy editing creative work. It is simply manuscript after manuscript after manuscript of medical review articles. Except when we get to test the website. Party time, right? Oh, and you get to add and look things up in a database!

So, when I get cover letters and resumes that do not even refer to the work at hand, I am surprised, am perplexed, put them immediately in the "No" folder.

Blake says, "I am a fine writer and feel like I would make a great asset to your fantastic publication."  And he includes links to blog posts and other written material.

William says, "My relevant experience includes managing content for several blogs on Wordpress and Blogger. This work involved implementing basic SEO techniques and utilizing social media connections." 

And then he includes the link to his food blog.

What the f*#k is relevant about that experience, I ask you?

Patty has written her own book, and her "objective," the very first line of her resume, says this:

 Objective: To obtain an Administrative Assistant position within stable and reputable company.

At least she is not a blogger, just an author of a book, lol. (And who said we were anything close to stable??)

Andrew says he does have experience working within the health and wellness industry. (Good!) But here's where he loses me:

You can look forward to increasing your online exposure, driving more traffic to your website, and converting that site traffic to loyal, paying customers. Magnetize your ideal clients!

How, pray tell, can a copy editor do all that?! Magnetize our ideal clients?! That is one powerful semicolon, dude!

But the very best part of his submission, the proverbial cherry on the top, is this goodie:

I ran with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, so I know I can run with your business. 

!! A bull-running blogger. Just what we were hoping for!!

Robb let us know that he is "a freelance content writer/manager with literally thousands of blogs, articles and web pages to my credit. Please see the link to my website and the urls from some of my work"

 I don't want to read your blog posts, Robby boy.

Jack writes that his areas of writing experience include:

--a range of fiction and fact-based novellas
-- judicial function grant
-- health program grants
--a range of columns and newspaper feature stories
--a small hometown, online newspaper
--California state driver guide, white papers on advertising, and new learning methods
--daily blogging assignments

Um, novellas and blogs, cool, but what about the copy editing, Jack?

I'm sure that Blake, William, Patty , Andrew, Robb & Jack could all do the copy editing job. They all seem well versed in English, and it's not hard once you get a hang of the medical jargon. But they are not applying for a copy editing job. Clearly, they are all applying for a writing job, well, except for Patty, the author who wants an admin job -- all of which the copy editing job clearly is NOT.

I can hardly wait to see how many more bloggers apply for the position in this next 24 hours! 


Pat said...

That is hysterical!
Love, Mom

Pickles and Dimes said...

Wow. Just wow. I have never once referenced my blog when applying for writing positions. Maybe I should! :)

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Come on now, people. These peeps are clearly *un*qualified, so they're making it up as they go, trying to get a ding-dong job . . . copy editing medical jargon.

Tell the guy with the bulls copy editing is *just* as exciting! As running with bulls! *That'll* teach 'im.

Good luck, sigh.


Beth said...

Not if you want the job, P&D ;) At least *this* job...

Hey, now, ARE you looking for a job? Part time, copy editing? Of medical jargon?


Me, You, or Ellie said...

I'm a blogger, therefore perfectly qualified for any work that involves, you know, like werds and stfuf

xoxox, you funny