A street named desire

Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s actually “A Streetcar Named Desire,” but what I’ve been thinking about since looking through my holiday address labels yesterday is who the hell names our streets? And is it a job I can get?

I think it would be fun. I googled “street names” yesterday, just for kicks, and found a website that generates the names for you, which completely eliminates my new job, except that the names were shit, which was the website’s point. When did American street names became so excessive and quixotic?

You know, those three- and four-word street names that have nothing to do with the geography or history of the place? Like the one my former condo was located on-- Caminito del Cervato (Little way of the deer)? I assure you, the street has not seen a deer in many, many decades, if ever, at least not since before the university next door was built in the late 1940s.

I tried the before mentioned website’s “street name generator” five times, and it, too, came up with a deer-inspired street name: Quaking Deer Highland, which when you think of it might actually make sense as the deer are surely trembling in fear as bulldozers plow down ever more of their habitat.

It also came up with Bright Beaver Vale, Thunder Bridge Lane (perhaps adjacent to Springsteen's Thunder Road?), and Round Beacon Villa, the latter of which makes no sense at all, but actually sounds familiar to me. A sign that the street naming business is certainly out of control.

In grade school and high school I lived in a beautiful neighborhood where the streets were all British-inspired names like Stoneleigh, Chumleigh, and Hatherleigh. Not a winning theme, if you ask me.

The first house I ever bought was located in another beautiful little neighborhood where the street names were author-inspired. I myself resided on Dumas Street, with Elliott and Browning and Alcott Streets, etc. to the north and south.

The streets in another section of the neighborhood I currently live in are all gem and rock inspired: Agate, Tourmaline, Diamond, Felspar, and the like. This theme works for me, which is nothing more than personal preference.

The most important street you’ll ever live on, of course, is the first one, the one you lived on when you parents brought you home from the hospital, because this street name makes up half of your ever-essential stripper name. We’ve all gotta have one of these to fall back on, especially if our choice jobs, like street namer, fall through.

I lived on Sherwood Road with a cat named Tuesday when I was a baby, so, when they introduce Tuesday Sherwood to the stage, you’ll know it’s me (which sure beats the pants off Samba Caminito del Cervato).