so pretty!

I was lucky enough to be invited to a lovely event on Sunday. I mean really, really lovely. It was a benefit for a very worthy cause, and a chance to enjoy our pretty city on an exceptionally pretty day, with lots of my favorite pretty people.

There was something about this location that really stood out. It was on the 15th floor of a downtown office building, beautifully appointed inside

and wide open to a lovely terrace

with a pretty awesome view

It was a stunning day, everything all sparkly and warm, lots of great food and drink and conversation.

Oh, the food.

I was a little shy about photographing the food, but that display right there? My husband asked if it was one of the items up for bids. I tried to take a close up to showcase the splendor of the gorgeously displayed dips and spreads and tapenades, but all I could surreptitiously capture was the sweet onion jam, which was maybe the one thing I didn't actually put on my plate/into my gut.

Hi Beth! Hi shy Johanna!

I think there are probably better ways to spend a Sunda afternoon, but I'd be hard pressed to think of one.  My only regret is that I did not win any of the silent auctions, despite the fact that I was on the leaderboard for at least three at the 11th hour. One would have been perfect.

We stayed till that pretty ballpark was emptied.

we scoped out some promising pools

Then a band started playing directly down under our tootsie toes.

 

Way, way down there

Hi guys!

Hi Des!

Hi husband!

Hi, weird hair! (fun fact: 2 of my 3 almost wins were for hair cuts).

Pretty day, pretty city, pretty awesome.

Slurpee Simonsen

Jacquie, my very lovely co-blogger, is a very good friend of mine. She has been for years. Many years.

Nine years and one day ago my very good friend and lovely co-blogger, Jacquie, drove herself over to our home to grab my oldest daughter so that I could push my second daughter out into the light of the world. I was absolutely giant, as I was a day past my due date and harboring what we would later in the day come to find out was a 10-pound-plus baby girl.

Jacquie, the very witty, very good friend and lovely co-blogger that she is, said something funny and distracting as we we're loading the car. She said something very similar to the effect of, "You know, it's 7/11 today, I think you guys might want to consider calling her Slurpee Simonsen."

But we decided against it.

HOWEVER, we have always loved that nickname, and we do celebrate the moniker every year on my girl's birthday proper.

And, as you know (or even if you don't), 7/11 gives out free slurpees each year on 7/11, so my girl, and the rest of us tagging along with her, feel especially entitled to this giveaway. (Being that she is, of course, none other than Slurpee Simonsen.)

7/11/2013

Pretty cool, huh?

But yesterday didn't stop with the free slushy drink. No. We also took ol' Slurpee to a special dinner. You know, the kind with crazy straw hairdos

and twisted balloon animals.

And following all that Slurpee had cake and gifts.

The highlight of which is pictured above.

(Because, really, who am I to turn a deaf ear to what the universe is trying to tell me?)

Happy belated, Slurpee! xoxo

Here's Harry . . .

Here's Harry . . .

Here's what's for sale. . . .

Here's Mistah Schleckah, and here's me, when we were teeny tiny tots, and Mistah had Tall Hair.*

*Thank you Steven. No, really. Thanks.

 Here's the Piano Table in full summer regalia.

 Here's Mom and Julie. *In* New London.

 *In* New London!

Right on our very front porch.

Here's Mistah at a Fancy Party.

 And here's the state of things on our deck.

Why yes! Big Cacti is happy to see you.

what da?

K I don't know what's going on with that weird blue boxy thing if you happened to look at this earlier. Guess I should try that "preview" button from time to time. Anyway I fixed it.

I'm giving myself permission to recycle old posts during summer, and I'm glad because there is some really hilarious shyte in these archives, and you might have missed it the first time around. As is often the case in this here circle of life, it appears that I was in a similarly unoriginal state of mind on a similar date four years ago, but holy crap this list is funny. I have so many favorites, but really can't adequately express my love for the preamble: "If you have a glass eye...":  

Monday, July 13, 2009

How to annoy other people

Labels: by Jacquie

It’s terribly aggravating to deal with mass e-mailed chain messages.

It’s usually something very dumb, and as much as I love each and every one of each and every one of your guts, when you include me on a cc list alongside every soul you’ve ever met or heard of and warn me that my immortal soul is in danger if I don’t send the message back to you and every soul I’ve ever met or heard of, the best you can hope for in terms of a response from me is an eye roll and a quick delete. And an impressively long run-on sentence on my blog.

Every once in a great while, however, a gem comes along. Today I want to share with you one such gem. Well, maybe two, because as of this moment I can’t pick which one I want to post. These missives have been amusing my family and me for many years now, and every so often one of my sisters will send out an emergency request for someone to find and re-send these particular funnies. Jane sent out such a plea a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve been chuckling over these oldies but goodies ever since. I would never ask that you send these en masse to everyone you’ve ever met or heard of. That would be so hypocritical, so shallow, so lame. Instead, why don’t you just send out a link to your favorite blog? The one where all the cool kids are hanging out.

If I have not managed to annoy you yet, let me know and I’ll lay one of these on you:

HOW TO ANNOY OTHER PEOPLE

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking" noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don t use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
33. Tell your friends 4 days prior that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
34. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

We'll save "pizza man fun" for another (inevitable) unoriginal yet uproariously funny day. Unless you can't wait....

I'm giving myself permission to recycle old posts during summer

I'm giving myself permission to recycle old posts during summer, and I'm glad because there is some really hilarious shyte in these archives, and you might have missed it the first time around. As is often the case in this here circle of life, it appears that I was in a similarly unoriginal state of mind on a similar date four years ago, but holy crap this list is funny. I have so many favorites, but really can't adequately express my love for the preamble: "If you have a glass eye...":   

Monday, July 13, 2009

How to annoy other people

It’s terribly aggravating to deal with mass e-mailed chain messages.

It’s usually something very dumb, and as much as I love each and every one of each and every one of your guts, when you include me on a cc list alongside every soul you’ve ever met or heard of and warn me that my immortal soul is in danger if I don’t send the message back to you and every soul I’ve ever met or heard of, the best you can hope for in terms of a response from me is an eye roll and a quick delete. And an impressively long run-on sentence on my blog.

Every once in a great while, however, a gem comes along. Today I want to share with you one such gem. Well, maybe two, because as of this moment I can’t pick which one I want to post. These missives have been amusing my family and me for many years now, and every so often one of my sisters will send out an emergency request for someone to find and re-send these particular funnies. Jane sent out such a plea a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve been chuckling over these oldies but goodies ever since. I would never ask that you send these en masse to everyone you’ve ever met or heard of. That would be so hypocritical, so shallow, so lame. Instead, why don’t you just send out a link to your favorite blog? The one where all the cool kids are hanging out.

If I have not managed to annoy you yet, let me know and I’ll lay one of these on you:

HOW TO ANNOY OTHER PEOPLE

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking" noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don t use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
33. Tell your friends 4 days prior that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
34. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

  We'll save "pizza man fun" for another (inevitable) unoriginal yet uproariously funny day. Unless you can't wait....

Life line

I love it when something so simple can make one so happy.

Can't you just feel the love?

 I don't know what the hell took me so long. Why is it that we I put off something so simple, and inexpensive and easy, even though we're I'm pretty sure the solution is so simple and inexpensive and easy?

I bought my car almost a year and a half ago. I bought this about a month ago.  Yes, this simple cable, which took me 17 months to buy, is the lifeline between my digital music and my car sound system.

Goodbye annoying radio commercials. Goodbye overplayed teeny-bopper music. Goodbye irritating DJ --  me and my cable are in charge now.

Carnage Redux

This is Connecticut, people. We pride ourselves on outdoor seafood restaurants, where we wear the food we eat.

Saturday night was no exception. Plus we still had a couple of lovelies in town . . .

Loads of Lovelies.

Seriously.

We went to our friends' place The Place down in Guilford, and well, we had ourselves a Time . . .

. . . mussels, yum . . .

. . . pesto pasta a la Frunkle Billy, yum . . .

. . . scungilli salad, a la Flanders Fish Market, to die for . . .

. . . and a whole lot of gorgeous peeps, wherever one looked . . .

But let's face it. As gorgeous as my gorgeous peeps are, it's about one thing and one thing only.

It's about the Carnage.

It always is.

Hair o' the dog, America

Oh haaay! Hi! Totally knew it was my turn. When I discussed the fact that my next turn was Monday with the lovely Beth yesterday, she admits to just smiling and nodding, because no one knows what day it is this week amyway. So I'm lying here in my bed at 9:10 am on a weekday, which is bliss. Unheard of bliss. I'm not rushing out to the gym cuz I sorta kinda skinned a small but relevant body part when I fell off my bike. Yeah, I know. Shut up. We had a great 4th out on the bay with great peeps, cute kids, yada yada. I took exactly one photo...well I didn't even take it per se, but it was on my phone and I was in it so that counts.

Photo credit: lovely Desiree

Beth took a million bizarro photos that I'm sure we will all get to enjoy on Monday, but til then I got nuthin. Oh wait, here's something. I mean sumethin. Recipes! I made a yummy dip; grilled jumbo shrimpies; grilled avocados; and some hop, skip and go naked. Or as they came to be known by the end of the double pitcher, the hop, skip and fuck off.  I messed up the first batch because I'm bad at math and I'm a mess (see evidence above), and I had to text Ellie and Jane to determine the correct proportions. I *love* to death that I heard back from both of them soon enough to fix the vile sweetness of double lemonade. Trouble was I had to somehow squeeze four more beers and another can of vodka into the gallon water jug I was using as a pitcher. Dumb, dumb, dumb. But it worked! And it was very scientific with the mixology and stir-to-exploding-carbonation ratios.

Yummy Dip (aka lazy man Trader Joe's shortcut dip)
1. Lentils
2. Bruschetta
3. Feta
Buy them at Trader Joe's, dump them into a bucket. stir. snarf with pita chips. Yum.

Grilled Jumbo Shrimpies
1. Shrimpies (big bastards, peel and devein til you want to kill someone, leave tails intact)
2. Hoibs (I used cilantro, basil, garlic, shallots)
3. Lemon (some)
4. Oil  (little bit)
Mix all of this together in a zip loc bag, smoosh around and throw into cooler. When the grill is nice and hot and yummy after grilling the avocadoes, throw them on then watch and flip and tend til they are done. It won't take long, but you might get a cramp from the constant tonging.

Grilled Avocadoes
1. Avocadoes (duh)
2. Lime
3. Salt
Halve the avocadoes and remove pit and skin. Grill them. Squeeze limes and sprinkle with salt. Die. Go to heaven.

Hop, Skip, and  Fuck Off Go Naked
1 can frozen lemonade concentrate (I doubled and used 1 raspberry and 1 plain)
1 can vodka (lemonade can, I mean)
4 beers
Mix it up, preferably without shaking so vigorously that you blow the top off of your ghetto pitcher. Serve over ice. Put your d in the d.

Everything was lovely and divine. We had so much food, you really should have come to eat.

Happy 5th of July! Hair of the dog, America

Happy 4th of July!

Carnage

We ate lobster the other night.

And lobster rolls.

And steamers.

And corn on the cob.

And fritters and fries and bisque.

Oh yeah. And cake.

Oh, it was epic.

It was memorable.

There was carnage.

a different shore

Ah, summer camp. . The summers of my childhood were spent not at camp but at the Shore of Haven , so most of my knowledge about traditional camps has been learned through classic documentary films like Meatballs and Little Darlings. My kids have not done much in the way of overnight camp adventures, so they are more closely aligned with my stories of spook island adventure and stealing sugar packets than they would be with Jodie Foster and Matt Dillon’s deliciously clandestine sojourn into the woods.  We don’t have a Shorehaven though, but there are a plethora of really cool experiences available for the taking for summer campers these days, and we have the luxury of seeking opportunity rather than needing daycare at this stage, so we can be selective if we opt to sign the kids up for camp.  My girl asked to go to one with a subject near and dear to her heart, and it’s a nonprofit to boot so we are all in. I gladly filled out and signed the check, then started in on the registration and permission forms.

I also give permission for the above-mentioned child to handle blunt medical instruments. I am aware that said minor may witness blood and internal organs of animals and that the …staff will do everything reasonably within their power to protect my child from any possible contamination.

Well, they didn’t have that at Shorehaven.  My squeamish girl can’t wait to maybe witness the blood and guts of her beloved animals under the knife for medical purposes. I think her grandfather would be pretty proud.  

Mini master

I have the privilege of living with a mini master, a mini zen master. I live with three of them actually, although it was the mini-mini who schooled me last night.

She and I headed to my mom's house for an amazing vegetarian dinner. It was lovely on the back deck, white wine in hand, sinking into thick, new patio furniture, the temperature balmy and comforting.

But my mini is not yet 4, so the relaxing lasts only so long. She wants to move and play and whoop and whirl. My mom, the wise woman that she is, thought to pick up a new, soft soccer ball between yesterday's visit and the last time we were there.

The three of us tossed it around on the side yard for a bit, then my mom slipped away to clean up after us. (Thanks, mom.)

My mini and I had so much fun out there. Lots of laughing, lots of silliness. Over and over we tossed that ball back and forth, or kicked it back and forth, or showed each other crazy ball tricks. It was perfection.

But at one point, out of her mini mouth, came the question of the ages:

"Why did you stop smiling, mom?"

That sure did whip me right back to the present moment. The present moment that was so perfect and so deserving of all of my attention, of every synapse-connecting nanosecond.

She nailed me. I was far away, I was spinning out about something else, completely removed from that green grass, that perfect girl, that lovely evening.

I woke up, I moved back into the now, and tossed that ball back with my full concentration. I was back!

It was going good, I was really present, I was; but maybe 3 minutes later she nailed me again.

But this time I had a smile on my face. I knew I did. I made sure I did. But it was not real, it was pasted on - an attempt to fool this girl child. She saw right through me. She knew I was gone from her, could feel that I had slipped away again, to some past event or future moment. I had only fooled myself. The joke, as they say, was on me.

Why do we do this? Why are our minds so slippery, so hard to control, so restless and easily distracted, even though the result is missing out on some of the very best of now?! On moments of beauty that we can never get back?

It was such a good lesson. A perfect example of how not living in the present moment robs us of today. I continuously think I am improving on this concept. Obviously I have a very long way to go. Good thing for me I have multiple mini masters to help keep me on task.

Fros

"We're cousins. We're friends. Some might call us Frousins. I call us Fros."*

*(That's me quoting myself.) 

That's right . . .

. . . Fros.

Mistah and I got to hang out with some my super-awesome Fros last night, which was a gigantic, rare, awesomely huge treat . . .

. . . awesomely huge.

Aren't I lucky?

It was a love-fest, with the love focused mostly on the hugely popular S'mores.

It was a S'mores extravaganza . . .

. . . especially the marshmallow part . . .

. . . pure bliss.

But the best part was my Fros' kids got to hang out with their Fros . . .

. . . Fros, the next generation.

You think *I've* got it good, Fro-wise?

I do; Oh how I do. And so do these munchkins:

Fros for life.