Monday, November 10, 2008

Right speech

Saturday night, after attending the San Diego Brewers Guild Festival, my boyfriend and I got into a row. A pretty good one. I’m not going to blame it all on the fact that we were diligent in drinking all 10 tasters provided with our entrance fee, some varieties of which had alcohol contents upwards of 10%, but it didn’t make the disagreement any more civil.

We all do it; we lose our temper and say words we really shouldn’t, and wouldn’t if we took some time out to think about what we’re doing. If we took time out to think about the potential lasting effect the words could have.

I really wasn’t planning on blogging about this today. It’s not something you really want to tell people about. “Oh yeah, me and my boyfriend got in a big fight and we both really behaved badly.” But when I was making my tea this morning, the tea bag quote was “By honoring your words, you are honored.”

It’s true isn’t it? Words are so powerful, and we don’t always honor them, or ourselves. “Right speech” is a tenant of Buddhism, it’s one of the Five Precepts for ethical conduct and one of the components of the Noble Eightfold Path. It’s a biggie, and something Buddhists practice, because let’s face it, it’s not easy, and it takes practice.

I’m not going to beat myself up about this weekends blow out. It happens. Instead, I’m going to take it as a reminder to watch my mouth, and to practice right speech. I’m going to remember that "wrong speech," if you will, leads to tension, agitation, remorse. And when I do find myself feeling the need to shout it out, I’m going to try to stick to the facts and keep it light.

9 comments:

Pickles and Dimes said...

Wow. There must've been something going on, because the husband and I got into one of our worst fights ever. Over nothing. But that didn't prevent him from calling me the c-word and me shouting at him, "Why don't you f-ing die?!!"

Bad, bad, bad.

Hope you and the boyfriend made up! (We did.)

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Oh dear. Sounds like a good one! So, we know T is a loyal MYE reader, maybe if you talk some trash, he'll have no choice but to make an appearance in the comments section!!

Jacquie

Anonymous said...

OHHHH PAHLEEEEESE!!! I've had worse arguements with my dog. Your poor,poor, boyfriend. I'll bet he's really cool.In fact I'm sure of it. Don't forget people the magic words to end a row...I'm sorry, it was all my fault, and your the best guy ever. THAT'S right speech!!

Me, You, or Ellie said...

A-HA! I think Mr. T may have just paid us a little visit. Either that or we have commentors who are anonymous whack jobs.

xx
Ellie

Anonymous said...

I did not behave badly, Beth, and I meant every single word I said the other night!

Sincerely,
-Beth's Boyfriend

P.S. This blog drives me crazy! Did I ever tell you that? So there!!

Nancy said...

The way I see it ... a little spat now and again is just a threshold to great make-up sex!

Kathi D said...

Yep, we all do it. I thank my parents for teaching me by example that even when you fight, you don't get to call names. I never forgot the bar of soap in my mouth for calling my brother Bob "stupid."

Anonymous said...

Hate to break it to you Ellie (IF that's your real name!), but ALL commentators on this blog are whack jobs. Just some of us prefer to remain anonymous.

Sincerely,
Che Guevara

Julie said...

I woke up early and figured I'd catch up on some of the older posts that I've missed from my favorie blog site. Thereupon I found your Right Speech post. This is good stuff, girl. Interestingly timely for me, and a reminder that in acknowledging our faults in addition to celebrating our good, there is balance. Taking the time to reflect and allowing ourselves to be vulnerble enough to see our flaws and be accountable for them only makes us better people. Our failings don't count against us unless we bury them, right? Thanks, Beth