Uncharacteristically, I've been waiting for cooler weather, for the summer to end and for fall to take over.
I'm longing for big sweaters and faded old jeans, for sofa blankets and wood fires, and my husband is already talking homemade soup and bread.
October is typically beautiful here. Not in the same way that New England is, of course, but there IS a perceptible change here in October. The air is dryer, nights are chilly, and most days are damn near perfect -- low 70s with full sun. Plus the tourists have gone home so the beaches and coastal parks are gloriously sparse.
I've finally started exercising again, after so many months of being a near invalid and recovering from my
But today, October 1, being the first day of the month, too clearly illustrates how soon October 19th will arrive.
That dire day marks my first day back at work.
I've got less than three weeks left at home with my baby!! How can I leave her here 5 mornings a week? She's just beginning to smile and to stay awake for longer stretches of time. She is starting to see things more clearly and to be less of a newborn and more of a baby.
And how will she survive without my boobs, and smell, and mother love?
Of course the reality is that she will thrive. She'll have her dad and a doting nanny, and she loves the bottle. Hell, she might not even notice. Who's my mama?
The real question is will I survive?
I've never done this before, and I'm dreading it. I managed to work part time from home with my other two babies, but this has always been the plan -- to take minimal time off and then return to work full-time. And prior to her arrival I was all confidence and bravado, but guess what? I've come to realize that I was full of shit.
I DON'T WANT TO GO.
October 1. Can we have September back?
I know we can't, so I guess I better get out there and enjoy these last weeks of freedom.