I'm tired. And I don't just mean I could use an extra few hours sleep. This tired is going to require serious amounts of extra sleep--nights and nights of logging 8 hours or more, plus, perhaps, a few naps. But that relief is no where in sight. Not even close.
Anyone who's had a baby knows what I'm talking about--that real fatigue that sets in, oh, say around month two.
Baby girl is two months, today, and it's suddenly all catching up with me.
The false sense that you're really not all that tired when you first arise in the morning, then the first signs of irritation at the slightest provocation, by say, 8:00 AM.
By 6:30 PM I seem to be either laughing maniacally at the special brand of crazy at our house, or seriously considering my former sanity for adding this new level of complexity to my life.
My husband and I actually had conversation last night about who was crazier for giving up their former lives. Sad, yes, but true.
I am desperate to get the older girls to bed on time, which is 8:30 PM, so that I myself can brush my teeth, wash my face, and get to bed. The slightest delay in the routine grates on my nerves like a dentist’s drill that hits a spot that is not quite yet numb.
“What do you mean, you want a another hug from me???”
The reality, of course, is that I can't go right to bed, as most nights baby girl still needs to be fed. My desperate hope at this point of the never-ending day is that she'll nurse herself to sleep, but just as many times as not, she’s wide awake after, so I need to engage some other strategy to get her to sleep.
My husband is always there to help out, but as any nursing mother will tell you, there’s just no getting around the sleep deprivation that accompanies and infant (at least not without a whole staff of nannies).
I knew this state was coming, it’s not a surprise, and I’m not bitter (well not ALL the time).
For fun (because, hey, I can still be fun [if I use all my powers of concentration and work really hard at it]) I’ve included the nifty list that wiki provides on sleep deprivation:
- Hallucinations (picturing myself, alone, on a beach in Hawai’i, yep)
- Irritability (oh, you bettcha)
- Cognitive impairment (Have you read my recent blog posts?)
- Memory lapses or loss (Where did I put that baby down?)
- Severe yawning (Ahhhhhhaaahaa)
- Symptoms similar to ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) (What did you say?)
- Impaired moral judgment (Not there yet, God help me)
- Decreased reaction time and accuracy (Maybe this explains the middle fingers and horns honking when driving lately)
- Tremors (Only when there is no beer in the house)
- Aching muscles (if nipples count, yes)
- Risk of Diabetes Type 2 (great!)
- Growth suppression (?)
- Risk of obesity (Already there)
- Decreased temperature (my normal state)
- Increased heart rate variability (?)
- Risk of heart disease (great!)
- Impaired immune system (great!)
And yes, people, I know I’ve made my own bed, and believe me, I would sleep in it if I could.