Tuesday, May 15, 2012


Sometimes life is like a kaleidoscope isn't it? At least as the years begin to pile on. I more and more often find myself lost in thoughts of times past, but from all different eras. There's me in Ocean City, just a young fool with a fake id scamming free drinks from all the establishments where my friends are employed, who, when any song by the Cult comes on the radio, melds into me riding around in my friend Lili's car listening to that band at full blast.

Remember Lili? Where has she gone? Or what about Elvie, my Ocean City roommate of many years?

I actually do know where these women are, one bounces back and forth between Texas and Southern California, while the other has remained in the suburbs of Baltimore all these years. Both have two kids, and from what I can gather from holiday cards and random emails or facebook posts, are doing quite well.

But, oh, those times we had! Somehow they remain fixed in time though, don't they? While we keep moving on -- growing and changing, and as time passes, dealing with all manner of things that we never even stopped to think about back then.

How do we go from completely unencumbered to worried about making the mortgage payment? (Don't answer that, Ellie!)

It's life, I get it. But, really, sometimes, when I stop to think about all the different experiences that I've had, all the places I have visited, people I have known, people I have loved, even, it's overwhelming. How could all of this already be behind me? How can the colorful images melding together be so plentiful? And surprisingly the ride just seems to speed up, even as my life in some ways has slowed way down.

I guess that life really is like a kaleidoscope though, at least in the American Heritage Dictionary's third definition of: "A series of changing phases or events." I mean, you can try to control it. You can think you are creating your own destiny, and of course to some degree this is true -- it's hard to be a healthy, happy person with a meth addiction -- but a lot of life is chance and good fortune and working hard while hoping for the best. The phases and events continue to come and go. Just try to stop them.

We live the life we have today the best we can, which turns into the life we have tomorrow, which day after day after day adds up to a messy, colorful conglomeration of everywhere we've been, all we've seen, everyone we know, and all those ceaseless thoughts and feelings we generate.

Here's to making magic with those light and mirrors.

My current Facebook profile photo a la kaleidoscope.


Pat said...

It was wonderful to have my situation so well articulated as I am bogged in what I hope is the last major transition I have to make...at least until you ship me to the home.
Love, Mom

Me, You, or Ellie said...

So eloquent and thoughtful and insightful and lovely.

And also, a wonderful and necessary reminder to be in the moment:

We live the life we have today the best we can, which turns into the life we have tomorrow, which day after day after day adds up to a messy, colorful conglomeration of everywhere we've been, all we've seen, everyone we know, and all those ceaseless thoughts and feelings we generate.

Thanks, Beth.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

Are you trying to tell me that you're a meth addict?!

A lovely sentiment nonetheless, and so beautifully written. mwah!

Let's discuss this further over sushi.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

I an healthy and happy, damn it! Not a meth addict.

But I would b all the happier if we did discuss further over sushi.