Wednesday, October 23, 2013

bag o tricks

I can't exactly remember the back story, but one day I was somewhere at or near the beach with Beth and at least one of her children, and said child was restless. I sifted through my beach bag for something to give the child, something to entertain and delight or at the very least, quiet the child so that her mother and I could resume whatever it was that we were doing. Let's all just pretend we weren't at a bar, k? K. I recall that the things I pulled out of my bag were hilariously inappropriate for the delight and/or entertainment of a child, but it wasn't a big deal, I just closed it back up and went on with my life.

Until yesterday, when I was trying to enjoy a dull quesadilla (don't EVEN get me started on the endless soft foods tirade. Just don't), but couldn't find any hot sauce. I remembered that day at or near the beach with Beth and said child, and I remembered that one of the inappropriate items I had pulled out of my inner bag to offer the young child was a wee little bottle of tabasco! Best of all, I remembered that the small bag o tricks had been moved out of my larger beach bag and into my larger purse.

This is the bag that was once lived inside my beach bag, and could now be found inside my purse.

The bag of wonders! Let's see what we got, shall we?

The aforementioned tabasco. AAwwww, it's just a baybeeeee!

I dumped it all over my quesadilla before I had the idea to make a blog post out of it.

Bag still weirdly awesome. Adorable tabasco now empty, still wee. Exhibit A

What else is in there?

Exhibit B: a pretty pink razor

Exhibit C: portable charger. Don't listen to Beth when she tells you it is something else

Exhibit D: now we're talkin

Exhibit E: hmm. Technically made for kids, but not strictly for entertainment purposes.
That was all that the bag contained. Seriously. Poor baby girl, such a paltry assortment of playthings. I thought I'd better add something to prevent such a travesty from happening ever again.

Totally ready for next time.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

*Totally* ready. After the kid cuts herself with the razor, burns herself up with the matches, eats the diaper rash cream with hot sauce sprinkled on it, and asks her mom what the spherical purple numbah is for . . . you can *totally* placate her with a lollipop.

A non-cherry lollipop.

(Wow! Lollipop is a right-hand-only word. And *very* fun to type. Morning made. )


Beth said...

Oh my god! This post is totally cracking me up!! I really did not notice the pure genious of the quote on the bag. Perfect!

And its contents? Ha ha ha, SO perfect for a 4 year old. I do remember marveling at the, um, wide varity of items, all seemingly unrelated, but together in the bag, although, Ellie did just hook up the tabasco and the Desitin.

Really hilarious post, J!