Friday, September 23, 2011

for shame

All I did was ask if the kid wanted me to call his dad.  I’ve known this kid since the day he and my boy met on the first day of 3rd grade, and I wasn’t sure why he was at the park alone after school.  We parents are both new to this school and still figuring out the pickup shortcuts, and his dad had called me just a few days prior to ask if I had seen his kid. So on this day when I arrived to fetch my two from our designated spot and saw that they had been joined by the friend, I leaned over my boy and shouted out the window to ask if he wanted me to make a phone call. My kids were horrified. Horrified! Their stage-whispered admonitions have never made “MOM” sound like a dirtier word. I was truly shocked! How is that embarrassing? 

I’ll admit that being spotted while  pretending to stroll the grounds of campus right outside of their classroom windows on the first day of school was probably embarrassing, and when I realized I was busted I should have just slunk off instead of giving a big bouncy wave. 

I’ll admit that when my friend Lizbeth addressed one of the 8th graders as “sweetie,” her daughter had a case for being slightly embarrassed. But I am witness to the fact that Lizbeth did not use the term “honeybunny” as accused. 

My sister once reported that her kid found it embarrassing to be seen riding bikes with her, so he rode on the other side of the street. 

What is wrong with these kids? We are the cool moms! We are young and hip. Hip to the jive

It tempts me to show up in curlers and a bathrobe one day, clutching a virgina slim 100 between my lipstick stained teeth and a highball in my fist. Although the few times I’ve actually tried to embarrass them, it’s backfired. One day last year my boy was being a turd in the morning so I put a giant purple Dora the Explorer icepack in his lunch bag as revenge (because I'm very mature). It became a total cult thing, all the middle school boys suddenly wanted their lunches cooled by sparkling pink things. 

I really don’t remember any specific incidences of my parents embarrassing me. I must have blocked them out.  Anything you’d like to share, mom?  How about the rest of you? Have you embarrassed your kids or been embarrassed by your parents?


Pat said...

I would love to hear what Beth has to say.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

"It became a total cult thing." How funny is that?!? Will anyone ever understand pre-adolescent boys?

My kids also find it embarrassing when I offer assistance to their friends, which I also find a bit strange. "Hey, I'm offering a ride home to this kid on a rainy day, how is that bad, people?"

But I guess when I sought out Aiden, resident cute 5th grade boy on the first day of school this year to let him know we're so happy he didn't move and that his family had decided to keep attending our school, and then called over to my oldest to let her know... well, I guess that might have been a tad bit embarrassing. But in my defense, I know him. Of course, they know each other too, but they pretend to barely know each other, so yeah, cover blown for my girl. Oops.

But honestly, how bad can I really feel, seeing as I am totally hip to the jive?!


P.S. I honestly don’t remember anything either, mom. Selective memory is a wonderful thing!

julie said...

Jacqueline, are you forgetting mom's Folly days at Shorehaven? One year she was a Charleston dancer; her skirt was black fringe, worn over fishnets. And remember the year they did Grease, and she slicked her hair back, fake cigarette in mouth, leather jacket, dancing to Greased Lightning?

My biggest parental faux pas was at the roller rink for Middle School night. They played the Chicken Dance. Remember, Ellie? Naturally, I did the Chicken Dance. On roller skates. Of course I did! Colleen flipped out. I think she even cried.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

LOL, Julie. I'll give you the Charleston as embarrassing... but please recall that it was *I* who arranged for motorcycle transport of mom and her fellow T-birds for the reprieve of that Greased Lightening number. Jon Chickvary and his friends rode them all in on the back of their harleys!



Pat said...

Thanks Beth. I .have been racking my brains and can't remember anything my mother did either but then it was ancient history.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Julie and Jacquie, you're bringing out repressed memories. My mom was a 'performer' too. There was an annual event in our small town, The Aurora Fest, with parade, beer garden, band, etc. My mother was often embarrassing during this event. One year she and two friends were dancehall girls, down town for all to see, they all had balloons in their bras. Balloons! And did a can can deal on the steps of the post office!

But I think I was most embarrassed when I agreed to ride my skateboard behind of Stan's Aurora Fest floats. I can't remember the theme, but felt like dying the whole time, and finally, just let go around Macs. I'm actually blushing a bit right now.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

We *really* need to get our moms together. Good Lord!

dying laughing at the balloon boobs.


Anonymous said...

Mom used to threaten to arrive at school wearing an afro, mini skirt and hippie beads.
I believed her.
Love the ica pack.

MO said...

I should briefly explain how I found your bff from college is Carole Conlin friend Jo Ann, regulary threatened her rugrats with promising to borrow "D-Daddy's old nasty pick-up truck, loading a couple of goats in the back, dressing up in overalls, blacking out some teeth and pulling up in the car-rider lane and yelling..."has any of you-uns see my chiluns? We gots to milk these here goats before they blow!" Too bad that she never made good on the threat/ would have been just brilliant!

Me, You, or Ellie said...

This is so excellent Jacquie. Love the comments!

And Mistah and I were in fact there for Colleen's mortified moment. Mistah and Colleenie even rollerskated together, holding hands, but *that* was not embarrassing to Chapel Hill Girl, not at all.

But, when they played "the chicken dance" and her mom danced along . . . .

Well, in the car afterwards Julie gave her a talking-to, about how -- like her sister and future-fellow-mom, Jacquie -- she was one of the *cool* moms. In reply, Colleen, in her quaking, tear-fulled voice cried out, "But you did The Funky Chicken!"

And really, how could anything ever be worse than that?