Friday, September 25, 2009

V as in Volleyball

V as in Victor my ass......

I've always been annoyed by the M as in Mary, the N as in Nancy (except not you, Nancy), the V as in Victor mentality.

I mean, really.

The late great Peter Shernoff always said -- when necessary, speaking on the phone -- "V as in Volleyball" instead of the much more pedestrian V as in, well, you know....

So much better, right?

In that spirit, and in the spirit of drinking thirst-quenching beverages on a late-summer evening on the deck with my friend Owen, a new alphabet was born. (Bill was out buying books. What can I say? Some people have mixed-up priorities.)

And in the spirit of a good, healthy, non-linear, laissez-faire, I-rule-the-world attitude, the alphabet was NOT created in alphabetical order.

Let's take it from the top, shall we?

V as in Volleyball. Ah, Peter.
M as in Mothballs.
T as in Texas, or T as in Tennessee.
B as in Baseball. Natch.
And A! as in Action!
N as in Nintendo.
C as in Crime Scene (Owen's favorite).
D as in either Da Vinci or Donuts, depending on whom you talk to.
E as in Elephant.
G as in Graveyard (Mine, and a good one).
F as in Frankfurter.
H as in Honduras (yes that's an "a"; I was writing in the dark).
I, formerly known as Icicle, as in taking the Initiative.
J as in Jelly. I'm not a fan.
K as in Kentucky. I am a fan.
L as in Lollipop. Lollipop is a word typed with only one's right hand, I just discovered. That reason alone is enough to make it my personal favorite.
O. Obviously
P as in Pancake. Dibble style.
Q as in Question. If there is one.
R as in Rapscallion. Although I think that's been changed to Reprobates.
And S? Schmohog. Which I learned days later is actually Shmohawk. It's all about Larry David, apparently. But I'm sticking with Schmo-hog. It has a better ring.
U? Ukulele. And yes. That *is* what that says.
W as in Watermelon. Wimbledon's for chumps.
X as in Xylophone. I love the Fisher Price model.
Y as in Yodel-aye-eee-hee.
And Z? My little feathered friends? The omega? The zed? The letter with which one should end with a bang? That is for Zenith.

Zoo and Zebra seemed too pedestrian. But Zenith? Eh. Not really sold on that either. Kinda weak.

Wait! I've got it!


Rita.the.bookworm said...

I like this. I decided to take on a ten letter Italian name starting with F when I got married. It requires me to spell it out for people all the time. For over 18 years, I have begun, "That's F as in Frank," and continue from there.

When we first got married, my husband said, "Well, really, you're supposed to say 'F as in Foxtrot."

"Foxtrot?" I asked.

"Foxtrot," I said.

"Are you EFFFFFFFFING kidding me?" I asked. "As if I would ever go around saying FOXTROT with a straight face when spelling my name."

So, Frank it has been all these years. Now, I will silently add the "furter" to myself whenever I spell it. I am not one to oblige by others' rules, either.

Doug Flatley said...

As an aviation professional primarily there for your safety, I feel I must comment on this. The NATO Phonetic Alphabet, more formally the International Radiotelephony Spelling Alphabet, is the most widely used spelling alphabet. The NATO alphabet assigns code words to the letters of the English alphabet acrophonically so that critical combinations of letters (and numbers) can be pronounced and understood by those who transmit and receive voice messages by radio or telephone regarless of their native language, especially when the safety of navigation or persons is essential. The paramount reason is to ensure intelligibility of voice signals over radio links. So I have to think that your idea of changing them is T.U. (that would be Tango Uniform)

Me, You, or Ellie said...

geek alert

(I love you, Doug, and I think you'd look smashing in a tango uniform!)

You are a crack up, Ellie. I think it would be amusing to try and make each word as obscure and unrecognizable as possible, and to throw in little gems like:

J as in Juan
P as in psoriasis, or pterodactyl
T as in tsunami
K as in knife

let's keep everyone on their toes, shall we?


Me, You, or Ellie said...

OH, and you could say: J as in Jesus, but pronounce it en espanol!

Anonymous said...

I always thought Zulu for Z was pretty awesome. Maybe that one doesn't need to be changed? I kind of liked Tango and Foxtrot, too. Oh, and Whiskey. That one is good, too.

Lola said...

What happened to S, as in Sam?

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Lola, Sam is with Victor. In alphabet hell.


Captain Dumbass said...

You were drinking and managed to keep that list clean? Good for you.

Me, You, or Ellie said...

I love this post, Ellie.

I'm amazed that there are so many folks who know the NATO phonetic alphabet. Impressive.

I, however, do not, and will now adopt many of your goodies instead.

Kathi D said...

As one who always has to spell her last name with d's and v's and what-have-you in it, I appreciate this effort more than I can say.

I will henceforth use your alphabet, except when I am feeling extra saucy, in which case I prefer D for dickhead and V for vagina. But really, that hardly ever happens. Hardly ever. Really.

Hsin-Yi said...

I think "J" should be Jubilation. What I feel when I'm hanging out with Ellie + Owen!

Carl said...

Quite interesting to examine about the Peter Shernoff,also the pictures and the facts are excellent to read.

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Anonymous said...

The NATO alphabet assigns code words to the letters of the English alphabet phonically so that critical combination's of letters.

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