Turn to face the changes, right? That's what Bowie says, and I agree. But it's not always easy, at least not for me. I don't think of myself as resistant to change. But am I?
I have been working at the same company for going on 15 years. I had been driving the same car for over a decade. Those are long stretches of time to not make changes in those areas, aren't they? Granted, during my tenure at work I have had 3 different names, bought and sold 3 homes, been married twice, divorced once, and given birth to 3 baby girls. That is some major change. But within the last 8 weeks, the loss of both my old Jeep and my long-time work space, these familiar and mostly private spaces, has really affected me.
These changes, both for the better, have left me feeling tired. So tired. Granted, the downsize of our office has been an actual physical event for me on many days, so being tired is a natural consequence. But I feel drained, physically and emotionally. I feel like I did those summers in Brazil when I was struggling so hard to learn Portuguese and function in that crazy, gorgeous, vibrant culture. I'd sit on my small bed in the afternoon to do some homework and wake up a few hours later covered in drool. I could not make it past 8 pm some nights even though Rio is not a place where you want to miss the nightlife. It was just too much sometimes.
But this is not that. I am in my own country, my own city, my own house. Am I just getting old? Getting too set in my ways?
I really do love my new ride though, a definite upgrade from my old one. And the downsize of the office is a much better outcome for me than the alternative -- relocating to Encinitas, a great little beach town to the north that would have entailed a crappy commute.
So, what is my problem?
No problem, really, I guess. Just a period of adjustment that is testing my ability to accept change -- that constant that surrounds us, and moves us forward, and allows growth, but which we sometimes resist with all our might.