Thursday, March 8, 2012


Turn to face the changes, right? That's what Bowie says, and I agree. But it's not always easy, at least not for me. I don't think of myself as resistant to change. But am I?

I have been working at the same company for going on 15 years. I had been driving the same car for over a decade. Those are long stretches of time to not make changes in those areas, aren't they? Granted, during my tenure at work I have had 3 different names, bought and sold 3 homes, been married twice, divorced once, and given birth to 3 baby girls. That is some major change. But within the last 8 weeks, the loss of both my old Jeep and my long-time work space, these familiar and mostly private spaces, has really affected me.

These changes, both for the better, have left me feeling tired. So tired. Granted, the downsize of our office has been an actual physical event for me on many days, so being tired is a natural consequence. But I feel drained, physically and emotionally. I feel like I did those summers in Brazil when I was struggling so hard to learn Portuguese and function in that crazy, gorgeous, vibrant culture. I'd sit on my small bed in the afternoon to do some homework and wake up a few hours later covered in drool. I could not make it past 8 pm some nights even though Rio is not a place where you want to miss the nightlife. It was just too much sometimes.

But this is not that. I am in my own country, my own city, my own house. Am I just getting old? Getting too set in my ways?


I really do love my new ride though, a definite upgrade from my old one. And the downsize of the office is a much better outcome for me than the alternative -- relocating to Encinitas, a great little beach town to the north that would have entailed a crappy commute.

So, what is my problem?

No problem, really, I guess. Just a period of adjustment that is testing my ability to accept change -- that constant that surrounds us, and moves us forward, and allows growth, but which we sometimes resist with all our might.


Pat said...

Well this change thing seems to be running in the family. On Monday I moved out of my condo to leave the city which has been my home for eight years. In am month I will put my beloved summer cottage on the market. I currently have no address and all my worldy possessions for the next six months are in my car
Hang in there Beth!
Love, Mom

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Wow, Beth. That is a *lot*. And change is *hard*. And *tiring*.

So take a nap, in your bed with a beer, and do not beat yourself up for one second.

And make sure all those peeps in your house wait on you. Hand and foot, yo.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

Now, my mom? My mom is facing real change; mine is so minimal, that's why I'm so stummped by its seeming effects on me. WTF?

Oh well. Nothing left to do but accept it all and take a nap, with a beer, and make people wait on me ;-)


Me, You, or Ellie said...

Change is very tiring. So is moving things, and you've done way more than your share of both! The weekend is almost here, and there's no better place for a nap than the beach on a sunny San Diego day! Well, except Rio.



used to love the Bowie song in PA said...

I'm with you on the discomfort of change.
I used to think change was exciting, but lately, the changes are out of my control and I feel a bit overwhelmed.
Nothing joining you on the beach wouldn't make a little better...