Thursday, March 1, 2012

wait a MINUTE, mr. postman...

We've mostly gone paperless around these parts, so the mail is really just a dumb jumble of ads and offers. Sometimes a birthday brings a ton of fun variety to our daily haul, but it's not like the olden days when your friendly neighborhood postal engineer was a lifeline to the world outside your doorstep.

So when I saw a handwritten envelope made out to me in the mailbox, I was intrigued. I assumed that it was one of those scams my husband is so tempted by, where someone has found a bunch of money that belongs to ME and will give it to me for a 40% fee.

This was no sales pitch, however. This was.... um. What was this?

click to enlarge

Ha ha ha ha, that's funny! Some details are indeed correct, but I was way over on the East coast in the 80's, livin' the dream. Did I really lock eyes with this guy in TJ one night? What a weirdly random letter. Kinda creepy.

Who is this guy? How did he find my address? How many women named "Jackie" did he send this to in hopes of finding his long lost high school dreamgirl? Who is this guy?

 Not creepy at all.

But wait.... I was the most beautiful girl in the world back in the 80's! And I've got news for you, Billy, I'm still the most beautiful girl in the world!

This guy must really know me! How else would he know my name AND know that I was/am the most beautiful girl in the world?! It must be one of those amnesia love stories, we should have stayed together, Billy! I married a different Billy, damn it!

What was that you said about a yearbook photo? Oh good, this will probably jog my memory, I can't believe I forgot going to Mission Bay High School. It's very distracting, being the most beautiful girl in the world.  

That's me, right?


Me, You, or Ellie said...

This is beyond awesome.

First of all, he sent you that *photo* of himself? As if that would entice as opposed to *repel* you??

Second of all, How *did* he get your address? Suspicious.....

I love the letter (I had open it in a photo application to zoom in -- worked great) -- I love that he's *still* working on becoming a famous and rich star.

But he says "when YOU were in high school." Creep alert #47.

You've changed since your Most Beautiful Girl in the World Days at ol' MBHS -- did you get your irises dyed? But I love your yearbook blurb: "Au Revoir and Goodbye." Short, succinct, says it all....

And finally, if ol' Billy wants you back, he really should learn how to spell your name correctly.....

Just utter love.


Mom C said...

Creepy is putting it mildly, but you're still the most beautiful girl in the world... love, mom

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Oh my god, Jackie! That is the funniest, and yes, perhaps the very creepiest letter in the whole wide world. How very random and strange, and jesus, what is with his creepy hair? I should really send this to my pal Leslie, who actually DID go to MBHS in the 1980s.

Maybe she knows both Jackie and the other Billy.

My favorite line of this twisted love letter story: It must be one of those amnesia love stories, we should have stayed together, Billy! I married a different Billy, damn it!



Me, You, or Ellie said...

Okay, so I emailed my friend regarding this crazy scam-like letter and this was her reply:

Yes, all real. Know them both. In my grade in fact. Recognize everyone on that page. How did you come across this? Oh, and the girl Jackie was a VERY weird one too!

Maybe it really was you, Jacquie! (ha ha)


Me, You, or Ellie said...

OMG Beth, really?! I don't even know how to feel about that. That is some crazy shit.

I'm sure that Billy is a perfectly nice guy, even though his photo made me shriek.



Me, You, or Ellie said...

That is so awesome, Beth. Good detective work.

I can't *believe* Jackie, the love of Bill's life, was VERY weird. Poor Billy.


Chapel Hill Girl said...

What the what?

martyjoco said...

Jackie, this is hysterical (in addition to creepy). That picture reminds me of that game with the metal shavings and the magnetic wand that lets you give the guy weird/creepy hairdos... I mean, REALLY reminds me. Who would send that? Did he think that would make one or more of the list of Jackie Ks swoon, drop everything and run off to take up where you left off 25 years ago? Wow.

p.s. why does he have two choices of last name?