Saturday, June 13, 2009

Weekend 3-Way: One More Time.....

When in doubt, or more accurately, when nothing new emerges in one's poor addled little brain, go with what works, I always say. So. For this weekend's 3-way, again:

Answer the following using the first letter of your pet's first name, then use all the words in a paragraph. Since I don't have a pet, I'll use my first pet, our beloved Yobo. Strike that. Y's are impossible. I'll use our second pet, the entirely unbeloved Bogey.

4 Letter Word: Boob
Vehicle: Bulldozer
Movie: Brokeback Mountain
City: Boise
Boy Name: Ben
Girl Name: Bertha
Occupation: Boom Operator
Something you wear: Brassiere
Food: Baba ghanoush
Something found in the bathroom: Bandaid
Reason for being late: Bloody nose
Something you shout: Bombs Away!

Bertha was in Boise, trying to get to her job as a boom operator on the set of Brokeback Mountain. How she loved that job. How she loved her poor gay cowpoke boyfriend. Wyoming is far from Boise, though, and she was running late. And running she was. Unfortunately, without her brassiere, so her boobs were flying. And she had blisters and no bandaids. But fortunately for her, she did have pita chips, olives and baba ghanoush to assuage her hunger. When she finally got to the set, she found Ben on his bulldozer, digging up the side of a mountain. Strangely, Ben was bulldozing with a very obvious and disgusting bloody nose. "Ben!" she cried. "What gives?!" His obtuse reply: "Bombs Away!"


4 Letter Word: Moan
Vehicle: Mercedes
Movie: Moonstruck
City: Montreal
Boy Name: Martin
Girl Name: Miranda
Occupation: Mall cop
Something you wear: Mumu
Food: Marmalade
Something found in the bathroom: Moisturizer
Reason for being late: Mechanical difficulties
Something you shout: More!

Martin was moaning about his dry kneecaps, he was angry with Miranda for taking off to Montreal with his special moisturizer tucked into the pocket of her mumu. He sent an evil wish to the universe that her mercedes would have mechanical difficulties. He chose the long pants version of his spiffy Mall cop uniform to hide his imperfection. The minute she called to check in, he demanded that she either return right away, or buy him MORE! At least she wasn’t home to make fun of him for planning to watch Moonstruck yet again that night. When his shift ended, he headed home for a nice, quiet evening of marmalade toast and Cher.

4 Letter Word: Shit
Vehicle: Speedboat
Movie: Sex in the City
City: Seattle
Boy Name: Sam
Girl Name: Salma
Occupation: Sunday school teacher
Something you wear: Sunglasses
Food: Salad
Something found in the bathroom: Soap
Reason for being late: Sand storm
Something you shout: Salud!

Salma had always dreamed of being a Sunday school teacher. Her family thought that it was an impossible dream, seeing as she came from the sin-city of Seattle, wore sluty sunglasses, and dated a low-life con artist named Sam. But Salma was determined; she was not going to take any more of her family's shit. She threw away all three of her copies of Sex in the City, the movie, used her last bar of soap to clean out her own mouth, and had Sam race his speedboat right through the sand storm and onto the shore close to the church. Salma entered that Sunday school classroom and took charge. She taught those kids about the little white wafer and the wine, and made sure to emphasize that they always finish their dainty sip with a hearty Salud!

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